The world shattered around me while I was driving. It was a typical day: the sun shining, the radio playing, and then a phone call that ripped my heart out. My grandmother was gone. I pulled over to the side of the road, the car suddenly feeling like the only safe space in a world that had just tilted off its axis. And I cried. I cried like I had never cried before, huge, gasping sobs that shook my whole body.

Driving home was a blur. My eyes were practically swollen shut, tears blurring the road ahead. But somehow, I made it.

There is a gaping hole in my life now, a silence that screams louder than any noise. She was my constant, my safe harbor, the one person who always had my back.

From the time I was a little kid, she was there. She picked me up from school and opened her door when things got rough at home – she was my refuge. She taught me so much, those simple life lessons that stick with you. I can still see her in the kitchen, showing me how to cook, her hands guiding mine. Even after I moved far away, she was just a phone call away. Need to know how long it takes to bake a chicken?  What kind of stain remover works? Call Dear- her nickname was Dear because she always used to say "Yes Dear" to us.  She knew it all.

She loved everyone. Her heart was huge and always open. If you needed it, she would literally give you the shirt off her back, her last dime.

It is funny the things you remember. I remember sneaking over to "help her with the TV," which was just an excuse to bum a cigarette. Or the time she broke her arm, and I had to shift gears for her in the car because I was too young to drive. We laugh about it now, but it felt like a real adventure back then.

These days, I am struggling. My mental health is shaky, like I am teetering on the edge of something I cannot see. And all I want is to hear her voice, just one more time. To get that advice, that reassurance that only she could give.

I have one voicemail from her that is saved on my phone. It is from my birthday, and I listen to it over and over.  It is a small thing, but it keeps her close, you know?

I am trying my best to make her proud. I keep reminding myself of what she taught me and how she lived her life. I like to think she is looking down on me, maybe even with a little smile on her face.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, appreciate the people you have in your life. Tell them you love them. Because you never know when that last phone call will be. And when they're gone, all you have left are the memories and the echoes of their voice in your heart.

#dealingwithloss #healing #cherishedmemories

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